will

when uncertainty whispers longing,
when hauntings of the past
tremor at my breast,

you're the purging
i've sought on my knees,
you're the solitude
found in battle scars,
you're the will
that is surviving,

when uncertainty whispers longing,
when hauntings of the past
tremor at my breast,
i must ask of you -
let me be the longings
you'll never have to doubt

-rohe

letter to my mother

you thought you knew the world
from untainted eyes,
your world view never went beyond
the life you chose of black on white

but, i know why you chose your path,
i know of the simplicity it offered you
beyond this, this world view -

you criticized the vices people
carried in their pocket,
or the heavy damp cigarettes
flung from their lips -

you rationalized a drink,
as something that offered
addiction and doom
at the end of an empty
beer glass,

but,  you never seemed to
learn that desolation
is the prize for the bitter
caverns of an empty soul,

your addiction was in
finding the flaws of the people
around you;an insecurity
that is only the reflection of
what frightens you the most,
its the reminder of your dreams
that lay wasting on the verges
of the reality you created -

this slow licking flame isn't the
voice of god on your soul -
its your own soul, begging
to be rendered - to be loved
for  it is in the tumult that
the soul finds a voice, and in
simple compassion
passed between kind words
or the soft touch of love that
the soul finds gentle trepidation.

your reckoning is not in beside
an immortal deity,
your reckoning is the slow steady
grind to the grave,

when grace begets age and you
find your strength is gone -
your skin becomes a mere husk to the
callused and worn bones that lay heavily
on your heart.

though i hate your words,
i love your mouth - because it has
given me the kiss of  vision

i see you as a child, as an infant -
never given the taste of infinite love
- you chose this, and i forever
choose another way,


- rohe

to mend

they called it loss - the seeping swill
that was pressed against your wounds

the called it love - the brevity of dispair,
that was all your experience of home

- rohe

at bay

find her hiding amongst the river reeds
laying wait for the fireflies to light up the night sky
only the tepid water and creeping fog keep her
waylayed heart at bay.

-rohe

mine

i would like to leave an imprint
on the inner rim of your coffee cup,
stain your pillow cases with lash marks,
and when you find a remnant of my presence here
i hope you find an aching sensation -
in knowing your no longer mine

- rohe

pristine

you found a reckoning in
the soft folds of your mothers dress,
pressed and pristine - and your tears
smattered tiny stars onto the linen

- rohe

heavens bones

i'd rather let it go tonight
get lost, a little smothered in the fright -
to find my lips, damp from sweeping visions
of love that was never meant to be mine,

i figure i will find my god
on the way, written between the lines or on
a passing sign -- cause most of the time
I'm just driving blind
lost baby - lost little heart,
saintly gold and mother mary  never let me know
the curse of bringing innocence from praying lips,
so, i just keep on walking onto heavens bones

- rohe

exuvium

does it matter where her mind lies,
if her body whipers of immortality,
as her hand lays listlessly at her breast,
a vapid pout painted on her lips -
your sordid claim leaves her wanting,
what more is she - than dust fallen from
unclaimed celestial bodies - an exuvium
of constant evolution, evoked by the
ensatiable nomad within her wanton heart

- rohe

pacified

some days
you and i will hide,
beneath a blanket,
on the other side of life

you will go here,
and i will go there,
somwhere familiar
that we don't share

guilt and shame
lay pacified,
todays not yours
nor, tomorrow mine,

who says loves the answer -
when heartbreak
quantifies this heart
of mine and -

some days
you and i will hide,
beneath a blanket,
on the other side of life

- rohe

barefoot

clustered forms
overlapping in a curious hum
of ochre on charcoal,

sharp twinge of regret,
soft clover -
pushed between toes
and swollen skin.

- rohe

balcony

there is a balcony
into my soul,

but you must stand
at the very edge,
until you feel your ears
dip off the ledge
and your head
turns the sky
into the sea,

when flying feels
more like floating
listlessly by tide -
you will find me,

tangled among
the books tossed
at summers edge;
glory of youthful
wonder passed,

torn pages bent
from satisfaction
and craving,
my heart is a
memoir - a treasure
trove of urgency,

i beckon to you,
come into the chambers
build of devastation
and overgrowth,
lend a moment in time,

does she whisper
of longing - ever near?

- rohe

unruly

i want your
unruly gaze,
words run together
wearily,
i try to concentrate
heavily on
the cigarette
melting into empty
space,
i know this isn't
mine to take,
but i'd rather
have this moment
in space,
a little slice of heaven
beneath your
dave matthews band
poster,
with your sigh beneath
my hand.
lets leave it on the
shelf,
so you can show me
what time means
to you,
more than cross cultured
revenue,
let me know
your universal peace
by taste

- rohe

swallow

save me
for i cannot
swallow anymore,

words are useless
the coaxing of your
hands are merciless
to me

relentless
weary daze,
leaving me chapped
aching for words
in a new take,

leave something for
the rendering


- rohe

cling

a memory
  that clings,
like overgrown ivy
gracing abondoned
  chapel walls,

like bad religion,
  it came and went
when the darkness
broke, leaving
  the stars at bay -

a windswept
  city of muddled
faces

 - rohe

concrete

crushed beneath
  three feet of concrete,
struggling to feel complete

thirsty for sweet drops
    - heavens breath,

cracks between fingers
  until  the moss creeps
and struggles here,

solitude, worn
    - heavy and still

- rohe

gypsy

you smell of life -
a heavy breath of sunshine
warming your skin,

your tongue tastes
of history -
layers rich and deep,

your tone is of
gypsy mire and
london, spilt
in fury and love

your name lays
heavily on my lips
and my heart only
whispers of you -

rohe

who says "no"

i walk away
because saying "no"
means nothing to you,
you think the lipstick
i wear, was painted
just for you;

where along the line
did you begin to assume
that i was created
to simply arouse you

- so i have become a
woman, who says "no"


when i say "no"
its because, you have
not heard it enough before,
you still think
my pleasure
is yours for the taking

- so i have become a
woman, who says "no"

where along the line
did you assume
that i would simply
unfold, and
gift you my sacred
furrows

- so i have become a
woman, who says "no"

in saying "no"-
i say "yes"
to everything i am,
i say "yes"
to all  i desire to be,
i belong
to my unfolding -
so i have become a
woman, who says "no"


-rohe

aftertaste

so life -

is all that i have made it;

the deepest pits of hell -

and the coming of age

the aftertaste of love

that struck you to the core.

the bittersweet odor

of a lovers musk on your skin

or the slippery blood

that drips from broken 

finger tips

so life -

is all that i have made it

uncertainty

i have stood
my soul tossed
loitered upon the heaving
sea of uncertainty.

here i am still,
when most ships crash
to the depths,
i am still tattered - weeping
to her glorious sea
longing like a salted
tongue

for these sorrows,
such tremors - are not just
of my own making -
but rather of the aching
souls who struggle
along side me'

who am i
what are we -
where is life
without uncertainty.


rohe

I'm not sleeping

Ive planted a seed of disaster,

and its just the devils playground

when i saw it in your eyes, sir  -

but there's no way to bind my hands,

'cause trust me I'm

not sleeping -- if I'm walking

in your head 

yes, sir - pray for forgiveness

while your crawling back to her,

but she wont leave you breathless,

after i leave you sleep walking,

with a taste of poison honey, so sweet

how many cities.

for wonders that aren't my own,

how many deepened skyline,

when this creepin' feeling brings

my shadows around your head.

when every bed seems 

like vast, desolate spaces

and the liqueur just another

traitor come the mornin' light,

keep on singing the blues baby,

I'm in Satan's darkest corners,

'cause trust me I'm

not sleeping -- if I'm walking

in your head

- rohe

stone

tell me something
as if it meant nothing
- a heavy stone at sea

-rohe

locks

i rid myself of the horror of a veil,
i didnt need locks of gold --
no heavy tresses to echo my maidenhood.

- rohe

muse me

make me wild like dahli
and as virginal as renoirs girls

- rohe

encompassed starlight

pivot the hips
and dip a little deeper
into the wonder here,
the waning crescents
of my waistline,

let the ripple of light
guide your eyes
to the opalescent
wonder - that is
encompassed
in the starlight

forgive me -
for  this hasty pleasure,
before you awaken from
this dream alone

-rohe

haunted uncertainty

you know sweeping motions of the heart, only when it is torn assunder. you became all to familiar with smothering hands that crushed your sense of wonder. the days when your tears filled the honey comb - bittersweet cups of uncertainty. And in the dark you felt the shadows of women who came before you, their souls whispering from the broken doorways of a haunted life...

rohe

sullen skies

never have words fallen
so heavily within sullen skies -

rohe

nemises

" i am your one true love who sleeps with someone else.."

- david gray



plunder

as if, I have not seen
what you so gaudily flaunt

as if, I have not seen
the towering piles of metal
along the skyline,
nor the sunken treasures
layed in the depths of the sea,

as if, you offer me
more than some pius claim -
a vapid obtrusion
peaked from your body,
as if you hold a wonder of the world

as if, I should beg to experience
your plundering,
so that you
could lay hold and spoil
the uberous of my womanhood.

rohe

mere mortal

what am i
but mere mortal
in a world of
jutted edges -
bone against flesh,
long limbs
that glide on
immortal idealism,

i looked down,
but only found
soft contours
encompassing my
frame

rohe

pulse

stars shiver,
pulsing -
as they ache

the cessation
of such
scintillating life,

lightyears
beyond,
leaving a
radiating pulse
in wake

- rohe

maps

i stripped away every
  artical of clothing
- plucked from my ribs
a heavy sigh.

i left myself  raw,
  open and aching
no walls to bar,
nor shadows left
to hide behind.

i stood before you
  each  vein
like atlas scores,
a map with all lines leading
between steady thighs,
within sodden lips
  home - where my last
innocence lies.

- rohe

INSPIRED: Finger Bangers

just listen::

loss of words. this is, this is it.

dust

i fell into youth
under the words
that respect and fear
inflected love,

those days
drifted heavily
under a hand
that rendered my tongue
sound proof to
outside ear,
when pleas
hung dry,
spilling like dust
onto old beaten floors

the days of love
meant cold metal
beneath a pillow,
hovering in a corner
as darkness crept in,
sheilding myself over
her little body,
thinking surely -
hell, was a place
i found in every sigh...


rohe

peaks

my body is not a safe haven for your sorrows,
nor the peaks of my feminity to carry the weight of your anger.

rohe

lips

beauty surrounds me,
it weeps from the depths of soul,
for murmers between us
are stronger than
words supressed,
clenched between
aching, angry lips.

rohe

train - music inpiration

train - benjamine gibbard & feist

moments pass, cities flash by

life is like a fast train speeding along,

hundreds of miles come and gone,

here and there - love surpassed.

momentary release,

love is hundreds of miles away and walks.

rohe

sweet peach

sweet peach
iced tea,
does it make
your mind
slip to me,
sweet nector
holy grail,
persperation,
think on tendrals
soft and pale,
summer moist
tongue deep,
sweet peach
iced tea,
does it make
your mind
slip to me


rohe

swing

i want to
  let them swing free,
in a white t

heavy and ripe
  but i am afraid to
watch them bounce -

to hell
  social stigma,
i'd burn this bra



-- or is that to feminist a mantra


rohe

cricket

there's a cricket
  hiding between
a box and the wall,

humming a symphony,
  to the darkness,
 - to the night

could i be thus -
  so familiar with the dark
i sing as if it is light

rohe

unfolding

may i give to you,
a soft unfolding -
  somthing new.

rohe

for harry

she was six,
and he was eight

now he sits,
and demonstrates
a love he cherished.

sixty years
from wedding vows
marked into
a gold band,

we sigh of love -

he has never
felt a weight like this,
no slumbered hand
to kiss

body aged,
bent low -
he fueled affection
but had to watch
her go...

and now
she slumbers
in depths
only his soul
could reach.


rohe

tryst

lets slip away
  on a lovers tryst,
where days slip into languid night

and when the dusk comes -
  let me deftly
reach out to you,

anticipating an engulfing rush,
much like the sea upon the sand.

rohe

thereafter

whisper to me
  your deepest longings,

hold me as if
  you have the fear
that if you let me go -
you could wake
  on the morrow
      and find me gone

love me as if
  you want this moment -

and the one thereafter

.rohe

quote of the day

" Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising every time we fail." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

fragile

But you had

your fill,

didn't you?!

and I, 
am here

standing so fragile

on the brink of desire.


b.rohe

schism

my womb wept
when i said your name,
and you entered my world
in my arms laid -

thrust into womanhood
that same day,
you were the schism between
chosen path
and future laid -

b.rohe

thighs - quote

" to the girls whos thighs ouch, with stretch marks laid like gold across their backside/thank goddess for your abundance"
-kim crosby

heroine - quote

' above all, be there heroine of your life, not the victim."

- nora ephron

sin

would you leave
bite marks on my inner thigh
a sensation that brings salt
to my inner eye,
as it drips down my skin
i lick it and taste sin

b.rohe

fill in the blank

fill in the blank game,
fill in the blank name,
i saw your gaze,
but only felt shame.

b.rohe

warm

i wrote to you
  the words
that never came to my lips,

knowing full well
  it could
never fix the things i meant to say,

but i found them
  in another lovers
warm tongue.


b.rohe

moving -

" at the end of the day, home isnt where
i came from. maybe my home is somewhere
 i'm going and have never been before"

- warsan shire

letting go

that sweeping sensation of letting go,

today i learned to say no.

b.rohe

celestial bodies

do you ever sit and ponder,the thoughts

you make - give you the power to be.

derived sense of wonder. if not so improbable,

the motions of this mind - make quantum leaps

within my lifetime. more than the man on the

moon. I am kissing the stars, lips grazing against

the celestial bodies...my limbs entwined within

the galaxies

b.rohe

haunted corridors

these are not
    butterflies

I have moths

    tumbling

out my eyes

from haunted corridors.

they are flitting

down

heavy breasts,

furry tremors

that will not

be laid to rest.

b.rohe

weary glory

i strove for love

with aching hands

    and weary bones

for someone who would understand.

but found instead,

   

    some aching glory.

in love lost

that made me worry

    no more -

over another's touch,

for in this i glory;   

   

    sweet solitude, sweet melancholy

i learned for once

to never be sorry -

b.rohe

unencumbered

to let fall - to release - to pass upon the weary thoughts into this ground i walk on. i have come to terms, daily - within my workplace, about the mutterings of life. the eventual turn and rotation of life, the circle that continues as ages pass and nations fall. i cut into small bites - food for a woman, mind aged with time, skin hanging heavily, clothes wrapped in a warm embrace. somehow - we are all one soul, encased within the shell of a body. our mind, our beauty, our experiences fade into these small moments.we will be rendered into a mode of accepting help, handling weakness with grace and someday,we shall forever fall into oblivion.

Reminisce

some moment i just sit and reminisce, i realize that life flashes before our eyes. our souls drift here and there in the continuum of life. there are these moments in which i think upon little roots of happiness i have placed within the depths of my heart and mind. the little moments i slipped away dressed to the nines to have a cocktail with a dear friend downtown, how i crave an evening in which i find myself in a pretty number, put on a kickin pair of heels and saunter about young - free & bold.

the bike rides in the sunlight, breezing through historic neighborhoods and fancfully wishing for old houses to be mine. feeling the sun filter through my hair, the warm embrace the universe offered: with my littles in her bike seat, exclaiming in delight and concern "careful mama - not to fast, mama"..

taking a walk through the neighborhood to our favorite icecream shop - for good old 'Thrifties' icecream. chocolate malted crunch and mint chocolate chip for my darling.

the late nights when i turned on the old 64' magnavox record table, as we swung our hips to old jazz until we collapsed on the floor, heaps of giggles... how those tunes lulled my angel to sleep as i sipped a glass of wine after a dinner party.. lights swaying in the breeze on the little porch.

the flamenco night at the Clarendon when we amazed at the passion of dancers - squeezed lime into our soda water..then swapped into our swimmies and soaked in the jacuzzi..

i know these are small things, beautiful memories intrenched in my mind. i understand the universe unfolds as it may, and we are finding our way in a new time and place. somehow i know it will all come about in due time. im counting myself lucky: but sometimes these bones ache for the familiar..and so i slip into revelry.

Night

Shimmer -
Those hazy speckles
Above my eye

Fade -
In the distance
As day draws near

Fear -
Withholding limits
On the pounding that
Recedes within my inner ear

Here -
Now an ever constant truth
My heart though racing
Stays strong
Beating anew

Release -
All fears and hopes combined
Leave me intertwined
In the moment of solace
I have found within my mind

b.rohe

Rush

I will try and remind myself.. When my heart is in midst of a rush. That all is right and well in my world: I am whole, complete, still, safe and secure as I am now. Life is a potent gift, an awakening realization that all things are small within our celestial sphere. I am well. I am complete. I am loved. I am content. I am safe. I am here. Now.everything is alright.. As my mind spirals on the brink of oblivion

lemonworld

"Im to tired to drive anyway, anyway right now

do you care if i stayed?" - the national

music of the moment